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The current period represents a full decade since the term “vanishing” hit the common lexicon. Back then, the notion that someone could instantly end communication with a romantic interest without explanation seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. How naive we were. In the decade since, finding a mate has only become more perplexing – an frequently fruitless endeavor in embarrassment that is increasingly defined by online slang.

Gen Z, a cohort who came of age during a social isolation crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a widespread challenge on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex terrain than their millennial predecessors could ever fathom. And so their dating vocabulary has grown more elaborate and more deranged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” testing the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a comprehensive breakdown to the phrases gen Z is using to navigate romance, sex and the pursuit of both. To channel one of the year’s most viral online sayings, by the end of this guide you’ll ache to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – According to Zoomers, dating’s ultimate goal is showing up as your true, raw self. Good luck with that!

B

Avian theory – A social media test loosely based on a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your partner’s reply is inquisitive or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while oozing mystery and independence. (She may yet have that fringe.)

C

Seat theory – This signifies seeking out someone who helps you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would fetch a chair for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A date where two people connect while running errands, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how broke twentysomethings do budget-friendly dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Melting down – Losing it when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can spiral over a crush or breakup, dumping all of your unreciprocated emotions.

D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 1980s young urban professional affluence, it describes partners who forgo having children to focus on their own happiness. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of acting aloof: embracing dialogue, honesty and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Warning signs – Behavioral habits indicating a prospective partner is not right. For instance calling their exes crazy, subpar gratuity habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Positive signs – These actions confirm your choice to pursue a partner. For instance following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, having a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These typically describe niche, largely harmless quirks. Examples include being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their bag, paying the rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you find someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the WWII or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who loathes the same stuff or people that you do (nothing creates intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of silence.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon boyfriend who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, purposefully postponing orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An ideal promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and happily home-oriented, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own aside from pleasing her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and usually everyday dealbreakers that instantly extinguish any sense of attraction.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an extremely thoughtful act.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd prefer partners in fields they perceive as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that kissing has been around for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be limited since some gen Z desire fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic romance realistic.

Kittenfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {