We Stood at the Edge of a Major Bush Revival – Until Kim Kardashian Released That Pubic Hair Thong

Each journalist keeps a “for emergencies” piece – the story they plan to draft if their beloved musician dies, their favorite sports club triumphs, or the historic event they long awaited comes to pass. I had mine fully prepared. The article: the bush is back! A 3,000-word essay about the quiet reclamation of body hair with all its natural splendor, filled with hair-raising puns befitting a story of such campy defiance.

Yet I must admit the reality that I may never get to publish this story. Why? Due to the fact that a certain celebrity and her underwear brand her label have ruined it, with the sale of a faux pubic hair thong called “the Ultimate Bush”. Launched last week with a video featuring models in a 70s-styled gameshow entitled “Does the carpet match the drapes?”, the £34 thong features a patch of faux fur made of artificial materials to imitate pubic manes in 12 hair colour and texture combos. It sold out in under 24 hours, leaving the internet to wonder: which demographic is the target audience? Those who regret removing everything? Or people seeking a bit of nostalgic fun?

Now, I’m normally to think that celebrity updates are easy to ignore; but the thing is, dear reader, I was convinced we were incredibly close (sorry) from a serious big bush revival. Pubic hair appeared in fashion shows (see Margiela’s 2024 haute couture celebration of the merkin), and in cosmetics campaigns (a skincare brand’s promotion featuring authentic body hair). Online, there was “natural growth with swimwear” – a TikTok trend kicked off by a viral video where a woman delights at spotting precisely that – which became the phrase du jour of women posting applauding a full thatch, or denouncing hair removal for its ingrown hairs, razor burns and just the whole “patriarchal view” of it all. I should also a mention to one user known as President Bush, with her famed “bush aura” interpretations see her guess what pubic hairstyle a famous person has based on vibe – the more relaxed, happier, and more independent the woman, the more silky and fuller the bush. Imagine big dick energy, in pubic hair form.

Now I admit these developments were somewhat a, ahem, niche trend (listen, these puns must be used somewhere), yet I believed it was sure to grow. Admittedly, body positivity as a trend faced criticisms, but as dental tourism, weight-loss drugs and quick cosmetic procedures inch towards mainstream acceptance, I deeply regret the complete dismissal of any “You’re fine as you are” message. Surely, I figured, it would all just get too much – too expensive in a cost of living crisis, demanding as leisure hours are scarce – and we’d see a return to something more natural. And why not begin than pubic hair? With more than 80% of females removing theirs, it is among the most common beauty treatments around. Question that and it’s uncertain what could be next?

But instead we get the artificial bush underwear. From a positive angle, one could argue it championed natural hair as attractive. However, examining the product, with its precision, narrowness and balanced design – along with how it casts a natural aspect of the female form as an accessory – and it’s hard to view it as a win. Rather it’s just more of the same from cosmetics giants expert at selling us back an ersatz version of our own nature to make huge profits.

When will this madness cease?! Why can’t bedhead hair just involve getting out of bed and not needing to brush it? Or the wet look only require forgetting to dry it? Who will champion the idea of making minimal effort great again?

Perhaps the only figure who could move the dial is the celebrity in question, an individual whose persona is so powerful that, according to aesthetics expert an academic, it has erased global diversity in beauty and made them uniform. Now there is a single ideal globally: the celebrity benchmark. In fact, should she were genuine about unleashing big bush energy on to the world, she could simply demonstrate it herself and allow natural growth.

Who knows, perhaps one day the star will lead us the other way, allowing her physique revert to its natural form free from shapewear, injectables and a team of stylists available. Now that is a “just in case” piece I’d like to write.